On Parenting

We bring a child into this world for our own needs and desires;
the child obviously has no say in it,
even if it is out of a desire to love and be loved.

Having borne a child, we nurture the child
out of our own pleasure and responsibility;
the child is obviously helpless in early childhood.

As the child gains conscious thought, we wish to be “good” parents;
but only because the child is “mine”,
and we define “good” in terms of recognition by our societal norms.

We impose upon elder children what they should be doing;
to become “comfortably” wealthy, to gain recognition in the world,
and to become achievers.

We often justify actions as “for their own good”,
but seldom take into account their own needs and feelings.
We fear that they will be inadequate and our own fears of inadequacy and insecurity spur us.

When children don’t go “our” way, we agonize;
we try to impose our “wish” to see them in a certain way,
and in the process we forego our and their “freedom”.

We do what we can as we must;
we establish a certain way for our own beliefs.
Giving is fraught with our own anxieties and clouded by our own desires.

Are we not enablers? Supporters and guides when asked for?
Are we not seekers and learners?
Learning about life from our children !

Should we not seek to let go and let be,
letting children find their own paths to self-reliance and their place in the world;
teaching them to define their own “comfort”, and to have the courage to make mistakes and own their decisions?

We must stand beside as confidence-givers;
paying no heed to societal recognition,
and despite the child’s acknowledgement or obliviousness,
for they have obliged us under disenfranchisement!
As we brought them into this world of our own accord and desires.